the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
