once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
