You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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