If that was your dad, he is hot
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
