We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
