Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
