im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
