i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
