It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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