How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
