Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
