i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The air taste purple.
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