matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
