Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
