I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
