He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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