I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
