the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
