My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
