he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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