Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Randomize
