Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
