Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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