whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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