Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
