You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
