I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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