I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
