The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
