When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
