i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
