I need to stop coming to work sober
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
