I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
True college students do jello shots in the library
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
