seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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