I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
