So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
