covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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