There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
