The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
