is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
