I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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