Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
