Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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