Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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