You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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