im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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