I should be sponsored by Trojan
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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