You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
