I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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