ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
