and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
