I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
