Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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